bleak

Since I am now not moving to SA, and have decided on another place a little bit closer, I dont feel as hopeful. I wanted to be as far away from this place as possible. I wanted to be far enough to where I could act like this place never existed or the people in it were never a part of my life. Might sound kinda mean to some of you, but I was hoping to move and NEVER look back. Ugh, so I am trying to get excited again about moving, which I am, just not all that excited anymore about where I am moving. Maybe I'm not as excited because now I have to do all the paperwork that was done before, all over again. I have to look for a job and home again. Found a school and already transferred to it and should be starting in a couple of weeks. I dont think i've ever had this much time on my hands. This is way too much time to sit and think about everything that I dont want to think about. I dont like to feel restless and bleak about my future. But I'm the only one that can change how I react to things, so I am going to have to change that...somehow.