bleak

Since I am now not moving to SA, and have decided on another place a little bit closer, I dont feel as hopeful. I wanted to be as far away from this place as possible. I wanted to be far enough to where I could act like this place never existed or the people in it were never a part of my life. Might sound kinda mean to some of you, but I was hoping to move and NEVER look back. Ugh, so I am trying to get excited again about moving, which I am, just not all that excited anymore about where I am moving. Maybe I'm not as excited because now I have to do all the paperwork that was done before, all over again. I have to look for a job and home again. Found a school and already transferred to it and should be starting in a couple of weeks. I dont think i've ever had this much time on my hands. This is way too much time to sit and think about everything that I dont want to think about. I dont like to feel restless and bleak about my future. But I'm the only one that can change how I react to things, so I am going to have to change that...somehow.

my "plans"

This week I learned a great lesson that I hated to learn, lol. No matter how much I plan something out, down to the very last detail, God is the one that is really in charge of what happens. Here I was planning my move to San Antonio, found a home and a college that had my area of study and would accept my credits, and at the last minute my plans crumbled big time. The home that I had found wont be available for a few months now, so I can either find something else there, or take that as the final sign that San Antonio isnt for me. Its become such a hassle driving back and forth and spending all this money in order to find a place to live, its simply not worth it to me anymore.
I am still moving, just closer than originally planned. At least this way I can still be fairly close to my friends and family that I have here, and far enough away that I wont have to feel burdened by some of the things that are going on here as well. I can still plan all I want, but at least now I know who is in charge of the real planning. So it looks like I will be around for another couple of months and I'm not exactly happy about it, but I can deal with it.

running

I know part of the reason I am in such a hurry to move is because I'm running from my problems. At this point, I don't care either. I am sure the problems I have right now will not be following me to this new place. Not all of them will anyway. My place will be ready this Thursday, but I had made plans to move the following week. Just to allow myself enough time so that I wont feel so rushed. But right now I am thinking of moving this coming weekend if I have everything ready to go and packed.